How To Deal With RSVP Woes

Speak to anyone who has planned a wedding (or possibly any event), they’d tell you that dealing with RSVP is probably the most tedious part of the planning.


It’s painful because you have to deal with many parties, who may or may not give you a response, and you can’t proceed with things like printing of cards, selecting of caterers and other logistical arrangements until you know the turnout you are expecting.

Don’t be surprised if you get ridiculous excuses interesting reasons to why they can’t make it for your wedding. Like:

  • I need to pack for a trip that’s happening a month after your wedding.
  • My cousin has tuition that day.
  • My brother-in-law may be ORD-ing that day and then we may have a huge celebration.
  • I regularly bring my dog out for walks at the same time as your wedding.

The above may or may not be what I’ve heard.

And even when they’ve responded, don’t be taken aback if people back out on the last minute (i.e. the wedding day).


Anyway, this is not a rant post. I’m going to share with you how to deal with it:

  • Remember: Your wedding is only important to you. Yes, you may wonder why people can’t understand the reason they have to give you affirmative responses at the fastest time possible. But repeat this a few times to yourself: Your wedding is only important to you. Nobody is obliged to “help you out” or make planning easier for you or even attend it because you invited. YOU chose to go through it in the way you’ve planned it. You could have gone to ROM, do a solemnisation with just two witnesses and you’re still married. So, take the obligation off everyone.
  • Don’t obsess over the RSVP. It is tempting to check your friend’s “Last seen” information on WhatsApp and wonder to yourself why she hasn’t replied you although she was last seen on WhatsApp 30 minutes after you’ve sent your text. Now, take a chill pill and stop obsessing over it. She may be busy with work, or going through a rough day. Or maybe, she’s trying to make some arrangements so she could actually attend your wedding because it is important enough to her.
  • Have contingency plans. Because you can’t expect everyone to see your wedding important enough to put down everything they have to do on that day to be there, you have to expect that the turnout may not be as great as you’ve expected. Check with your caterer if they are able to accommodate a smaller crowd, and the guys renting you the venue if they have a smaller place you could use if the turnout is not so good. Have these information at the back of your mind so you’ll relax knowing that there are plans you can fall back on.
  • Change your perspective. I know of people who see each guest with a dollar sign above their head. They want a huge wedding at a luxurious hotel, and see each guest as their ticket to covering the cost of the wedding. This may be why they freak out when guests turn down invitation. If you find yourself thinking like this, ask yourself why you want to hold a huge wedding in the first place. If your guests don’t matter to you as people you want to share your joy with, why should you matter enough to them to take time off to attend your wedding?
  • Breathe and take a chill pill. Remember I told you to repeat a couple of times: Your wedding is only important to you? Now, at the same time, what’s really important on your wedding day is just you and your husband-to-be. Make sure that you’re both happy and having fun, and that you haven’t forgotten what’s the reason why you want to go through this whole ceremony that you’ve been planning for so long. Don’t let RSVP stress gets to you (and him). The wedding will so go on, with or without the guests, won’t it?

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