1. I was lonelier than before
When I was staying with my parents, I’ll get home from work at 7pm, have dinner with my family (my parents and brother) and spend the rest of the evening watching TV and laughing over the programmes. The house is always vibrant, filled with noises from the TV set, chatters and laughters.
And then I got married and moved into our new house.
Keith doesn’t finish work at the same time as me. In the first month of our marriage, he typically finishes work at 9pm and gets home at about 10pm.
My evening became this: Take a bus home, have dinner alone at the food court near the estate, shower when I get home, turn on the TV and feel super lonely because there’s no one to laugh with me. By the time he got home, showered and caught up with his social media feeds, it was already bed time.
I was quite depressed in the first month of our marriage because I constantly felt lonely. Plus, I was “homesick”, I missed my family a lot.
Thankfully, we’ve resolved this issue in the last few months, so it’s all good now :)
2. We don’t “spend time” all the time
Even when we are both at home, we may not always be interacting. We may be at a different part of our house, doing our own things.
3. “Dates” don’t come naturally
You’d think that staying together means it’ll be easy to go on “dates”. It won’t happen unless you set a time for it. Somehow, we have so many commitments: our friends, doing housework, and visiting our parents regularly. In the end, we realise we didn’t make time for each other. Now, we set Friday nights as our “sacred” date nights. We aren’t supposed to do anything else besides spending time as a couple.
4. We argue over trivial day-to-day things
Before getting married, I often thought that the stereotype of how married couples quarrel over whether to dispense the toothpaste from the middle of the tube or from the end of it, and also about the man leaving the toilet seat up, was ridiculous. Who cares for such things?! Well, we didn’t quarrel over these things specifically, because they’re indeed ridiculous, but Keith whines about my face-washing habit because I tend to get some water onto the mirror. Please tell him he’s being ridiculous ;)
5. He takes over my parents’ role. Kinda.
I thought I no longer need to put up with nags after I moved out. But boy, does my husband nag at me (sometimes). In a “parent-ly” tone.
6. There’s never-ending housework to be done
I’ve been very lucky that my mum is the one who does most of the housework when I was staying with them. But my new place isn’t big and I thought that we’ll be fine spending a few hours every weekend doing housework. I eventually realise that consistency is the key to keeping the house in a pristine state. This means there’s a need to do small chores as often as you can, or you’ll need to launch a very tiring spring-cleaning project frequently.
7. Life is still a routine
This is especially when I moved back again after going into remission. I really thought we could start doing fun projects together, plan trips and visit hipster cafes, but seriously, in between work, Daily Vanity, household chores, church and family obligations, what I can say is “ain’t nobody got time for that!”
I finally understand why all fairytales simply end with “and they lived happily ever after”, because there’s not much of a story to tell thereafter, and if there is any, it’s not quite a fairytale.
All these being said, I’m very happily married, in case you thought otherwise. Because I know that we are the kind who will work towards making each other happier.